Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Fridge and how I HATE It With The White-Hot Fury of a Thousand Suns

Day 38 in the Hatch.
Today there was some actual sunlight streaming in through the "windows". I miss sunlight. Of course, it was not enough to read by, so i had to turn the electric lights on anyway. The Chinese people upstairs continued to slam and crash, and one of them even thre something down at my front door that sounded suspiciously time a time bomb. I've yet to check it out.
But yeah, reading. That's how I spent the past few days. reading old issues of "Cable & Deadpool" until my eyes went wonky. But God bless that man Deadpool. Cable's alright in small doses, but I can never get enough of that lovable, scarred ninja/mercenary.
Life would be simple in the Hatch except for...
THE FRIDGE.
Oh, in the name of all that is sacred, by the Christian and Jewish and Muslim and Hindu and Buddhist and Islamic and Scientologic gods, how I HATE THAT FUCKING FRIDGE.
The Fridge...
It haunts my dreams, I tell ya. It's enough to drive a lesser man insane. And I AM a lesser man! I mean, sure, it keeps stuff cold likel tis supposed to...but the freezer doesn't work!
What the shit is that? So, the thing is louder than all holy hell, but it can't even make ice cubes? That gods-forsaken thing makes more noise than a malfunctioning, 18-wheeled air brake dump drike driving through a nitrogycerine plant on the 4th of July...but I can't buy ice cream if I want to!!!!!
I hate it. the fridge must die. The fridge WILL die. Yes. Yes!
Somebody save me. By anstonishing coincidence, that is the start of the theme song to "Smallville".
Lois Lane, I love you.
But I HATE that fucking fridge.
Help.


"When people think they're alone, that's when you see them for what they really are: selfish, deceitful...and gassy."
-Claude, the Invisible Man

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

4*8*15*16*23*42

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4-8-15-16-23-42

I've been living in the Hatch for 29 days now.
No cell phone signal.
No Internet access.
No windows. You heard that right, no windows. the only natural lighting I get is from my body's own healthy, nuclear glow.
I've had very little chances to contact the outside world. I've being watched very closely. I haven't been allowed to leave yet, and they certainly don't want me contacting anyone on the outside. If they found out I was posting this...well, they'd better not.

The only thing that can save me now is money. lots and lots of money. If you have any, PLEASE send it to me. any cash amount over one dollar would be appreciated. If you're just gonna send pennies, you're a cheap jerk.
SAVE ME.