Friday, July 25, 2008

Breakfast Obituary

Please remember in our prayers today a beloved woman, who has pleased us all with her sweet smile and her sweet treats for generations.
Aunt Jemima, beloved icon of table syrup everywhere, died peacefully in her sleep last night. She had been taken from us far too early; at the age of 106, Aunt Jemima was beloved by all.
Friends and family alike gathered at the site of her gravestone, which had been crafted by world-renowned grave-sculptor Federico Pelarsia, to resemble a large stone bottle of syrup. Naturally, everyone was shocked and saddened by the news of the detah of such a treasured member of the food society.
"She was a real nice lady, ese," says Frito Bandito (64), a close family friend. "I always used to come over to her house in the mornings as a little kid, and she'd make me her yummy pancakes. I'm gonna miss her, eh."
One mourner who was particularly grief-stricken was the Pillsbury Doughboy. He had trained to bake in Aunt Jemima's kitchen since 1927. The Doughboy was so saddened by the loss that he was beyond words. When asked if he would vow to keep Jemima's memory alive, he replied between tears with an enthusiastic "Hmm-hmm!"
Close family friend Betty Crocker (57), who was as close to Jemima as anyone, was full of tears, but also full of hope. "She was a wonderful woman," Crocker tells us, "in all respects, she was amazing. But she got very sad after her husband Uncle Ben died. I think now she's at peace. I'M at peace knowing they're together again. I loved Jemima, and I'm sad to see her go, but her memory will never die. I know the secret recipe to her batter, and I promise to keep it going so more generations can enjoy it as I did."
A touching ceremony was followed by a brunch of pancakes, sausage and piping hot coffee over at Captain Crunch's place. Everyone agrees that they will sorely miss their friend, mentor and mother figure. But the whole world can rest easy, knowing that Aunt Jemima is pleasing taste buds and whipping up wonderful delights on that great big breakfast table in the sky.

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